there have been bombardments in my mind
and i have been drowning them out.
i have been able to do so because i live in this time,
this time of fast consumption and mass distraction.
i live in a time when i can run away from the unpleasant and the ugly within.
plug music into my ears and mute it,
yet the music i choose somehow preserves echoes,
echoes of what will not be silenced forever.
and so i forbid myself from music,
i ban myself from distraction,
and bit by bit, i heard them again, i saw her;
a snake inside, that feeds on one piece of my heart
only one piece.
she lurks under the surface and waits,
waits for the piece to grow back,
before she strikes again.
and i, the one who claims to embrace good and evil,
am ashamed of this snake;
i can't call her by its name.
i'm ashamed of labeling her:
loneliness
"don't turn your head,
keep looking at the bandaged wound.
that's where the light enters you.
and don't believe for a moment
that you are healing yourself."*
because it's hard to admit that we are not as self-sufficient as we claim to be
as we make ourselves believe to be, as we are told we are supposed to be.
it's ugly to never be enough.
it's a sign of weakness because it's not a sign of strength.
right?
wrong.
Healer of all, heal my bitten heart.
* Rumi
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