Tuesday, March 19, 2013

silence vow - day 3


canceling so many noises makes other sounds louder. sounds that come from within and elsewhere at the same time. i can't wait until i hear them better; maybe i used to hear them clearly before i muted them, and now that i muted their counterparts, maybe i'll hear them clearly again. 

not being able to ask questions is one hard nut; but a useful one as well. because i can't ask what's happening next, or if something happened yet, i have to wait and see for myself. i realize the uselessness of so many of my questions in the presence of the necessary patience. and because i can't know for sure, i have to come prepared, more prepared than when i'm not mute. 

i have a presentation in two days that i have to make twice the effort to prepare for, because i can't talk. i have to perfect my visuals and substitute any kind of speech i have to do. i'll also have to anticipate questions and prepare visuals to answer them. i know it sounds like a lot of work to do, but it helps articulate unspoken thoughts; it helps think, and it makes all the info you store in your head so much easier to manage and communicate.

i hear boredom looming somewhere near. i'm afraid it will creep onto me once i get accustomed to my fast. it's not as though the fast was my solution to the painful lassitude i've been feeling lately; it's not. but when i started it, all traces of that boredom retracted from sight. i had hoped they'd disappear and that the vow would be the instant healer of that submerging phenomenon. 

37 more days will teach me better. 

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